i miss him.

This last week was the happiest week I have had since moving here.

Time with someone that means so much to me spoiled me more than anything.

Now it's over.

I can't see myself being happy for awhile now.

I look forward to the days of not wandering around alone.

Right now, that's all that I can think about, the future days where I don't have to wonder;

I want the days where I can hold hands and be simply happy.....

Northwest Apartment

wandering the Northwest portland neighborhoods.

Washington Park, Alphabet District, etc.

nothing but the sound of footsteps on leaves and soft sentimental songs...

only wishing someone was here to enjoy the brisk fall days...

oh the lonely fall days and night of living in a northwest apartment...

Something that I can learn from..in so many ways

I admit that I am interested in all different foods; however, I tend to stick to basics and simple meals to get me through the day.

That's about to change.

Today, I had the thought of going through this used cookbook that I just purchased and do some experimenting. It is the Moosewood Cookbook, but the 1977 edition. It has several great dishes that I want to try, from salads, to entrees, to soups, to breads, and desserts. I want to explore this cookbook and develop some cooking skills. The downer is I am a starving art student just working a few hours a week and living in an apartment that is overpriced. I would love to try to cook a new recipe everyday, but I don't think I could afford to eat such great and intriguing things, and my skinny jeans might not appreciate the heartier foods. I would like to make at least a few new things each month.

October is World Vegetarian month, and making a new vegetarian meal that is healthy, fairly easy/cheap, and delicious will help me verify my standings that being a vegetarian is healthy, easy, tasty, and makes the world a better place :)

Tonight, I kind of kick started this adventure. The recipe I made was my aunt's pumpkin muffins and not from Moosewood. They are delicious, fairly healthy, and quite simple. The way that my apartment smells, I want to bake these regularly this fall and winter.

Sad when i should be Happy

Great things have been happening for me personally.

New apartment, new school, new town.

Exploring new places, eating great fresh foods, getting into shape.

Then at night when I reflect on my days, and I am not as happy.

Part of me isn't completely happy.

I miss great friends and wonderful people.

I truly feel that I have met great people in my life, and I left a part me with them.

Sometimes I just wonder if they feel the same way about them.

I don't want to disappoint. I don't want to forget.

I also don't want to be forgotten.........

Empty.

I know I have potential and I know what people say.

Hearing and feeling are two different things.

I'm filled with emptiness and a sense of failure.

When I run I usually get a sense of self and organization, and today I felt empty, cold, and a sense of failure.

I'm done with that.

Terrible run today, you're my rock bottom.

Gone are the days of "that's in the future" and the days of "tomorrow".

I don't want to feel empty anymore.

Distance

I hate the distance that is between people.

Technology can only be relied on for so much..

Things become impersonal....and cold.

I don't want to grow apart.

These people mean more than anything to me.

I am not ready to let go.

I miss you all. Don't forget me just yet.

Tell Me What's On Your Mind...

Days of the past are filled with words of the future and happiness.

We promised to be kind.

There was worry that things would change, and everyone would feel pain.

We said that wouldn't happen, that we would fight for truth and happiness and each other.

Today, we realize that we were foolish.

I understand the fantasy of our wishes and plans.

The future looks lonely and foreign.

Tomorrow, I want to hear you say things won't be the same, that things are getting better.

.....