Monday, June 7, 2010

It's all downhill from here...until the next hill.

Life is just like a mountain bike race.
In the beginning it all seems to be fun and easy.
Then the drama begins.
You hit a few rough spots.
After awhile, things seem to be okay.
You settle into a groove and it feels liberating and fun.
Them come the hills. 
You throw yourself into gear and push yourself to continue, convincing yourself there will be a relaxing downhill ride.
Sometimes it just gets too tough, but you don't give up. 
You step back and deal with the situation in the next best way. 
Pushing your bike up the hill, gritting your teeth, taking in the pain, you push on.
You reach the top, and sometimes it leads you to another difficult climb, sometimes it just plateaus there, and sometimes you get the downhill coast where it seems easy and simple.
You go through parts that just seem like a blur and other parts that seem to freeze time. 
There are the technically challenging sections. 
You approach this cautiously, but sometimes no matter what you do something unfortunate happens, your chain falls off, your tire goes flat, or that rock you didn't see puts you over the handle bars and on your back.
You continue on, you can't quit now.
You bite down and continue on.
There are more rough patches, but then there are times of easy pedaling and downhill coasts.
There are times where nothing seems to be right and everything is stacked against you. 
There are also times of fun and everything seems to be going perfectly.
You finish.
There is a moment to look back. 
You smile at the good times, feel accomplished for making it through the tough times, and feel saddened that it is all over.
I must be in the moguls. There are a lot of ups and downs. It sure is bumpy, and there is a big climb ahead.

Ponder. Question. Second Guess.

Am I the only one?
I'm not alone.
It's only human to question decisions that have been made.
I find myself second guessing myself.
There are moments where I ponder whether I've said, or not said, the right thing, or done the right thing.
Life changing decisions seem to occur more often than one realizes.
Did I make the right choice? Will the decisions that I've made make me a better happier person?

I seem to question myself more and more these days.

The only answer that I get is that I'm not currently happy with myself.