Thursday, December 2, 2010

lost dreams?

I don't sleep anymore really, and when I do I wake up terrified, lost, screaming, or crying.
I don't rest, and it's just another thing that is wearing me down.

I had dreams and hopes, and those seem to be getting a bit lost too.
I'm not sure why this is dwindling, but it scares me more than the dreams that I fear.

This week has been more difficult than anything that I've dealt with in the last year.
The chances that are against me are getting stronger, I fear, but I plan to hold on.

I'm also hoping that others won't bail on me now, when I am weak, like so many have before.

Monday, November 29, 2010

tired and traveling through the final weeks

Despite having a sad soul as I wander through the busy streets, I am busy.
Finals are approaching, and I am not as prepared as I would like to be.

There are sewing projects, charcoal drawings, design projects, a website construction, and a solution paper to complete.
I don't have the energy for this.
Without someone to help me relax, and restless nights filled with terrifying dreams, and only so much coffee to be consumed, these finals will be difficult.

It's a bit intimidating. I want to do well in these classes, as it is my first term in Apparel Design classes. This means a lot to me. I am finally chasing a dream and following a path to what makes me happy. Falling behind and not putting my best work forward isn't something I can accept.

One positive aspect of the hours that will be spent studying and designing to finish these courses....I won't have time sit and think, and be sad about how alone and empty I feel.
Between work and the final weeks of courses, the holiday season should fly by...and not spending the holidays with family and friends won't hit me until they are in my face or over.

If only I could completely rid my mind of the sadness this holiday season will bring.....
but I am thankful for a busy school schedule and a work schedule that will help me get through it.
The road may seem all uphill, treacherous, and never-ending, but at least the scenery and the hopes of a happy ending are good company.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

i miss him.

This last week was the happiest week I have had since moving here.
Time with someone that means so much to me spoiled me more than anything.

Now it's over.
I can't see myself being happy for awhile now.
I look forward to the days of not wandering around alone.
Right now, that's all that I can think about, the future days where I don't have to wonder;
I want the days where I can hold hands and be simply happy.....