It's all downhill from here...until the next hill.

Life is just like a mountain bike race.

In the beginning it all seems to be fun and easy.

Then the drama begins.

You hit a few rough spots.

After awhile, things seem to be okay.

You settle into a groove and it feels liberating and fun.

Them come the hills. 

You throw yourself into gear and push yourself to continue, convincing yourself there will be a relaxing downhill ride.

Sometimes it just gets too tough, but you don't give up. 

You step back and deal with the situation in the next best way. 

Pushing your bike up the hill, gritting your teeth, taking in the pain, you push on.

You reach the top, and sometimes it leads you to another difficult climb, sometimes it just plateaus there, and sometimes you get the downhill coast where it seems easy and simple.

You go through parts that just seem like a blur and other parts that seem to freeze time. 

There are the technically challenging sections. 

You approach this cautiously, but sometimes no matter what you do something unfortunate happens, your chain falls off, your tire goes flat, or that rock you didn't see puts you over the handle bars and on your back.

You continue on, you can't quit now.

You bite down and continue on.

There are more rough patches, but then there are times of easy pedaling and downhill coasts.

There are times where nothing seems to be right and everything is stacked against you. 

There are also times of fun and everything seems to be going perfectly.

You finish.

There is a moment to look back. 

You smile at the good times, feel accomplished for making it through the tough times, and feel saddened that it is all over.

.......

I must be in the moguls. There are a lot of ups and downs. It sure is bumpy, and there is a big climb ahead.

Ponder. Question. Second Guess.

Am I the only one?

I'm not alone.

It's only human to question decisions that have been made.

I find myself second guessing myself.

There are moments where I ponder whether I've said, or not said, the right thing, or done the right thing.

Life changing decisions seem to occur more often than one realizes.

Did I make the right choice? Will the decisions that I've made make me a better happier person?

I seem to question myself more and more these days.

The only answer that I get is that I'm not currently happy with myself.

Promises

I live in a time where promises aren't kept. 

People throw promises around and forget how their importance.

There are times where promises can't be kept. I understand.

I just don't hold onto promises. They are just empty words that keep piling up in my mind and heart.

I don't have time to wait for something that seems to be not there.

I've been told that I'm special, and that I'm unique.

I've been told that I deserve greatness and smiles that last.

I've been told that I will have a better future and it won't be as dark as my past.

I've been told that you cared about me, but lately you don't speak.

Please don't let this be another moment where I trusted in words that were empty and cold.

No need for one day of love.

I can only hope that everyday I tell the people that I love how much they mean to me.

I don't know when I won't be able to say that to them again, whether these happy relationships last a month or a lifetime. I am living in the moment. I can only hope to say how I feel more often. I don't want to hold back and regret anymore. 

I've realized this lately, and I don't want to go back.

The days of hiding my thoughts, desires, and hopes ended last July. The days of someone telling me I'm not good enough, I'm not true, and I'm not important are over.

I don't want anyone to ever feel so insecure. So to all of my loves, you matter.

I love you.

Not just today, but I love you everyday.

Textbooks.

Every night, the thought of curling up with a great book that explores the world, takes me to a brighter time, or shows me dark images that I can learn from, makes me smile. 

Then I see the stack of textbooks that need to be read, and the hundreds of chapters to be studied. 

Sometimes I feel like I learn more from real life texts, than the formal words printed in a massive book that is best used as a place to put my snack fruits or tea.

Alas, I read textbooks and only dream of one day finishing my long list of books to read...

Unfinished Business

the need to be healthy.

I haven't been healthy in such a long time, and I am finally realizing it.

I am starting to take into consideration what I eat effects my body. I need to make sure that I am getting enough of the right nutrients and I am using my daily calories wisely.

I am working out, and training for my marathon in the fall, and can't wait to accomplish my running and biking goals.

I have been sick lately, and I think it has a lot to do with my lack of attention towards my health. I am going to research what vitamins to take and start to regularly take supplements.

I want to be healthy so that I may participate in the aspects of life that intrigue me the most. I don't want to watch my life pass me by, I want to pass my life by... preferably in cute shoes, running shoes, or on my bike.